December 25, 2023 Edition
Editor: Salma Neghive
Published by JPlease Press
San Miguel de Allende, Mexico
YIDDISH WORD OF THE DAY
THE INVITATION
At this special time when the confluence of so many holidays can fill us with so many feelings and emotions, when transitions abound, I see this period, these segues, as one of “Invitations.” Doors closing, others opening. We have the opportunity to declare (as we do each day, it’s the collective notion of a “New Year” that brings it to everyone’s consciousness now) what we want, what we want to manifest. Whom are we calling in?
In 1998, I came to have several life-shifting epiphanies (I tend to experience miniphanies more than epiphanies, so I don’t take that word lightly). The first was coming to acknowledge – and be willing to declare to myself – that I wanted to experience, before the end of my time on this planet, a period of my life that was filled with joy (a very different animal from what “happiness” means to me). And yes, with meaning, passion and connection as well.
The second was coming to terms with the fact that in order to have the POSSIBILITY of the first one – for truly the first time in my life – it wouldn’t be possible to stay married to this person to whom I had said “I do,” 14-1/2 years prior. After spending 14 of those 14-1/2 years together in therapy, I awakened to a REALITY. That, to have the POSSIBILITY of having real joy in my life, I wouldn’t be able to wake up every morning with my kids.
To make that choice as a lifelong people pleaser – even in the face of a marriage that was, at its core more than its appearances – of deeply incompatible proportions – was more painful than anything I had ever experienced. And, while I did it to “save” my life and, I believed, those of my kids, I knew two things for sure: that the effects on them would be profound, and, that the blowback on me from others formerly known as “family,” would be profound (on both counts, it was more than I had even imagined).
A few months after “leaving” (the quotes in this piece intended to provoke questions about assumptions we make and labels we use about people who make choices that make them uncomfortable), an unexpected force-of-nature in my life first told me about the poem, The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. I was immediately blown away by its fire and passion and complexity and directness and transparency. And all of it an in-my-face, brutal reminder of what I had never had, and the depth/breadth of a type of connection that I not only wanted..that I knew I was capable of having with someone. IF I was courageous enough to tell the truth and live in the unknown. It couldn’t have smacked me harder upside my head.
From that moment on, I would send The Invitation to people who wanted to know what I believed in. And what I hoped to create with another human. At some point in my life, knowing the extent of the beliefs and lessons that I needed to UNlearn, UNdo, UNlayer. I may not have had the skills to really understand what it would take to fully LOVE someone (not speaking about love for one’s children), I surely was willing to embark on the Road Less Traveled and, as Cat Stevens said, The Road to Find Out.
Some years later, after directing a video called CrazyRebelMisfits based on Steve Jobs’ poem, Here’s to the Crazy Ones, I had the deep desire to put The invitation to video. I found my way to have several, profound conversations with Oriah Mountain Dreamer, to explore what this might look like, how we might actually connect and intersecting a multitude of different people and voices, each reading stanzas of this poem, or lines or words that profoundly spoke to each participant. Crafting one seamless exposition of this remarkable writing.
Although life got in the way of making this happen (as of now!), I read this poem ourt loud at almost every show that I host. It’s an invitation to everyone I may touch, whether live in a room or recorded, into a conversation. When I first talked to Oriah, she asked me what I thought the poem was about. I said, “love.” And she said, “No. It’s a poem about intimacy.” The kind of intimacy that so few people really seem to be able to have. I love inviting people in to open my own connection with them. And with an intimacy that transcends love relationships, sexual relationships, or what other people may consider to be “intimate.”
It’s about the intimacy within oneself AND with others. Can we break free of aspects of ourselves that might hold us back? Can we be courageous enough to let our guard down, our walls. I came to realize that in my marriage, I never felt like someone really had my back. Reading this poem over the years has continued to reinforce how important it is for me to hold the bar high. For me. I came to experience and feel how important it is to be liked/seen/gotten even more than being “loved.” Because love can come in many different packages.
I still aspire to put this poem to video form, to bring it to life in a different way. One that allows people to call out and declare what it is that they want in their life. Because good enough is no longer enough for me.
Since you asked (!), the most meaningful part of The Invitation is the following:
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
Contact Info
We want to hear from you.
Phone Number
+1 917 245 9131
