WITNESSES + PERSPECTIVIZERS

December 6, 2023 Edition

Editor: Salma Neghive

Published by JPlease Press

San Miguel De Allende, México

YIDDISH WORD OF THE DAY

Kishkas|All Over The Place — *kishkas…noun. Intestines, gut. “I have a good feeling about this…I feel it in my kishkas.”

Whenever I wonder why I’m so deeply called to be the kind of “Storyteller” I somehow have evolved, unfolded, to become, I only have to think of one word. Perspective. By not having Witnesses and Perspectivizers in my life (or, those willing to be that), I’ve come to again understand that we learn more about what (WE feel/know) is truly important in life from what we didn’t have/get/experience.

While I’m being urged more and more to transparently share my experiences along the circuitous less traveled road, it is when I am a Mirror, a Crack Opener, when I am most inspired. Those times when I feel more like a Conduit and Channeler than a Storyteller when my heart and soul are filled by creating safe spaces for people to communicate from their kishkas*, to openly share their Truths.

Not the truths that may be subject to interpretation, especially in the times in which we live, when the word “Truth” can easily become just another polarizing label that triggers so many (“What IS truth anyway?!”). What’s in people’s hearts and souls.

What I’m talking about are our Personal Truths. About ourselves. I relish hearing What are your expressions of Truth about how you feel, within. Their experiences. Their challenges. Their joys and passions. At a time when I’m often overwhelmed by the level of global inhumanity that seems more pervasive than ever, I am simultaneously brought to tears, and am in awe of people, and (their) Humanity.

In bringing forth the stories and truths of fellow humans, I’m Bearing Witness for another. And, often providing perspective. Maybe even validation. Certainly empathy and compassion. A sense of being seen. I’ve come to understand that being witnessed at moments in our lives is in the pantheon of importance. And, that I truly never had witnesses – whether because no one was there, or the ones who were could never bear to see what was – for/in the most challenging experiences, or times in my life.

When I was about 27, I went to see a therapist for a consult, which always means that this initial session is spent downloading context…my family background, circumstances (only child, Mom died young, Dad never talked about anything or understood who I was, blah blah blah, etc.). She looked right at me and said, “Jonathan, what you lack, is a Perspectiver.” I stared straight at her, it was one of those small/huge moments when someone puts words around a concept that hits, deeply and viscerally, as undeniably true, at one’s core. A cracking open that explains “everything” about why we feel the way we do about a profound aspect of who we are. And how we roll.

What she was saying was that there had been no one in my family unit to witness my experience, or perspective. No one who provided empathy or compassion, or validation, I was left with the bubble of my own thoughts and pain and aloneness. No one to say, “yes, this sucks” or “I get you” or “we’re in this together” or “you’re not crazy.” I had no Perspectivizer, inside or outside of the family unit. It made so much sense to me about why it’s so important to have people bear witness to our journey, to acknowledge me/you/us, because without that, we can evolve with very tenuous trust in our own lens, even when our intuition is screaming out with powerful lessons and truth.

I went from growing-up in such dysfunctional family environments, on both sides, there’s no accident that I married into a family that took this to a whole other level. Especially, when leaving the marriage opened-up a whole cartel of worms that threatened to poke holes in their family narrative (God forbid). People who invented Fake News and Alternative Facts long before you know who. I have borne witness to what I consider to be personal Crimes Against Humanity, within “family,” where lies, half-truths and innuendos are used as insidious weapons.

All because people cannot bear to look and see, hear and listen, openly and honestly. Where kids are insidiously recruited to support a narrative to protect the majority. Not the truth.

It’s taken my “UnYears” – many of them – to unlearn so many beliefs and patterns of thought, to unlayer and unfold, to be able to distill, and then fuel, my sense of deep purpose. As a Human, and as a Storyteller in this way. I’m a Very Proud Witness for others because, as we grow older, we can really understand so much of what is valuable in life, from what we didn’t have, what we didn’t have any way of knowing, is so important.

Bearing witness for another – being a Perspectivizer – is an honor for me, and a gift to another. To me, being seen and gotten at this point in my life, are more important than simply being “loved.” Integration within can’t happen, being the best version of ourselves, if we’re holding parts of ourselves at bay. Supporting people in their essence, enhances their ability to trust themselves and their intuition, instead of looking outside of themselves. It’s so elementally important.